Wedding Night Sex

Wedding night sex: is the consummation of your marriage; your physical union, having committed mind and soul to each other. For those who have had pre-marital sex then the marriage bed should not pose any threat. For those who are virgins and/or have not had the copulation process explained to them, this may be a source of anxiety.

Preparation for wedding night sex:

You should give some consideration as to what you will wear, if anything at all. If you do decide to wear a negligee, or other garment, be prepared for it to be removed during the course of the night. It is natural for a man and woman to want to explore each other’s bodies.

Physically you should also be prepared. A relaxing bath, or spa, with essential oils, in candlelight is an ideal way for two people to start the exploration process. The romance of candlelight should continue into the bedroom. When penetration of the man’s rigid penis into the woman’s virgina takes place the woman should be moist. If you suspect that you may be “dry”, (commonly caused by anxiousness, or lack of preparation – “foreplay”), then there are several products on the market that can aid you. Most of these products (in the western world) are available from your local supermarket or pharmacist.

Does penetration hurt? Will there be blood?

If the groom is considerate of his virgin bride wedding night sex may hurt a little, but not significantly. A women’s muscles soon learn to relax to accommodate the penis and her body move in rhythm with her husbands. If, after several penetrations, sex does hurt, then you should go and see your doctor.

Will there be blood? When a woman’s hymen is broken sometimes there is a “showing” of blood. This is nothing to worry about, as it is completely natural. However, due to the physical activities, e.g. horseback riding, going to the gym, inserting a tampax, many woman’s hymens are already broken without them knowing it and so they may experience no showing of blood.

For females when planning your wedding you should bear in mind your monthly cycle. For those with irregular periods, or if a slip up has been made and your monthly cycle is due on your wedding day or during your honeymoon, discuss with your doctor how you can “skip” your period. (This should not be done on a regular basis.)

Family planning and prevention of STD’s:

Unless planning to start a family immediately, and if not contrary to your religion, you should visit a family planning clinic or doctor to enquire about family planning. Ideally both partners should attend, but realistically it is often left up to the female. You should visit the clinic or your doctor at least two months prior to your wedding. This is an excellent opportunity for you to discuss any sensitive issues about wedding night sex that you may have. There are a number of family planning devices, one of which will be suitable for you.

- rhythm
- condoms, “french letters”, sheath
- the pill (male and female)
- the cap
- the coil
- implant under the skin

For those husbands who intend to keep a mistress, or for those who are in the sex industry, it is important not to pass on any STD’s (sexually transmitted diseases) to your spouse. Always use protection.

Use of sex toys on your wedding night:

For me wedding night sex does not include the use of sex toys. My perception is that the night should be about a couple learning, and making the effort, to please each other without extra marital aids. Of course there will be those who do not agree with me, but sex toys used constantly to stimulate may lead to a couple never being able to stimulate themselves naturally. Variety is the spice of life!

Of course, for those who are virgins a good book, with some beautiful illustrations, for the couple to look at may prove extremely helpful – the old adage a picture can paint a thousand words …….

Other considerations for wedding night sex:

Sex for some will be second nature. For others it will not be so easy. I am thinking in particular of those who have had damaged pasts, e.g. they have been raped, they have suffered sexual abuse, or have been mutilated in some way. I am also thinking that many may not have told their partner of this, or they are still not willing to admit to/share the incident with anyone else. For your and your partner’s sake it is essential that you receive some counseling to prepare you to receive your partner. Whether or not you tell your partner is totally up to you. A good counselor should be able to advise you and help you decide what is best for you given your personal circumstances.