Joint Weddings

Joint Weddings: a double ceremony, to be honest I can think of more reasons not to have a joint marriage than why you would entertain the idea of having one. So, let’s start here and go through the down side. In doing so, you will quickly find out whether or not such a wedding is for you.

Why I would not have a joint wedding:

- feelings of insecurity, being less attractive, or more well built than the other bride
- feelings of jealousy, having to share the attention, the focus not entirely on me
- loss of individuality
- who would get to walk up the aisle first?
- who gets to say their vows and pronounced man and wife first?
- who gets to sign the register first?
- who would get to walk down the aisle first with their husband?
- where would my family sit in the congregation, would they be pushed to the back?
- who gets the final word on the music, hymns, poetry reading, solos, etc?
- will double the amount of hard work, running around, etc. get left to me?
- we have some overlapping friends who it may be difficult for to afford two wedding gifts at the same time
- many of the guests will not know each other, so it will be impersonal for them
- I am my parents only daughter and I know they did not envisage such a wedding for me

Need I go on further? I think this is why joint weddings tend to occur when there is some family relationship involved, e.g. two sisters marrying two brothers. Or, if the bride to be really does not wish for any attention and is quite happy for the other bride to be her scapegoat.

So when should you consider a double act?

To have a joint wedding, you need to start off by wanting the same thing. There will nearly always be common denominators such as same religious beliefs and cultural backgrounds and values. The two couples involved will usually be extremely good friends and similar ages. Looking at photographs of couples that have had joint weddings, I am always surprised at how similar they look, not only in dress, but also physically. The couple’s families will probably already know each other and move in a similar circle of friends.

Benefits of a joint wedding:

- some of the expenses may be shared, such as one wedding venue, one reception venue, etc.
- your guests only have the expense of buying one wedding outfit
- you are sharing your day with your best friend
- you both have the same goals – to make your wedding day the best ever, so you have double the amount of energy to put into it
- with saving on some expenses you may be able to afford extras, eg. a firework display, which otherwise you would not have been able to afford

What should you do?

- do not be coerced or pressurised into a joint wedding
- ensure that your wedding goals are in perfect harmony with each other’s
- ensure you have taken into account your grooms wishes and your parents
- be honest with yourself and make sure it is what you really want
- be honest with the other bride and agree how any differences may be resolved

To have such a bond with another couple is very unique and special. Ultimately you will know if a joint wedding is for you, as you will not be able to imagine your wedding day any other way.

Wishing you all every happiness for the future.


Joint Weddings