Getting Married

Getting Married: may I be one of the many to congratulate you on your good fortune. It’s a huge step. It will take some planning, lots of compromise and a great deal of patience. You’ll be amazed how quickly the enthusiasm flags as the mounds of paper work and bills grow. So, having enjoyed the engagement celebrations it’s down to work. You need to get organized!

Getting Married: turning the dream into reality:

Here are the steps I took when organizing my wedding and those of my friends.

1. Write a shopping list: lever arch file, plastic wallets, highlighter pen, envelopes, printing/writing paper, postage stamps (two dozen to begin with – those not used can go towards the invitations postage).

2. Have an initial meeting with your partner to discuss, (i) a wedding date, (ii) the type of wedding you both envisage, (iii) the approximate number of guests you envisage (iv) your financial situation, (v) a date to meet with those who will be supporting your wedding e.g. bride’s and/or groom’s parents.

3. Arrange a meeting with the parents to discuss (i) type of wedding you envisage, (ii) financial contribution, (iii) bridal party composition, (iv) parents to think about VIP’s they wish to be invited, (v) agree on wedding date, plus a couple of alternatives (vi) discussion of roles to be undertaken, i.e. the lead organizer (wedding planner), etc. (vii) agree a further date to meet with your financial backers.

4. Start looking for wedding vendors and getting those quotes – see following links for help: quotes and budget formulae.

5. Put your budget together. Identify any shortfalls. Ascertain what compromises you are willing to make. Alternatively identify how you will raise the additional funds.

6. Have the second meeting with all parties who are contributing financially. Present your budget, backed up by the quotes you have received. Calmly present what compromises you are prepared to make, or where you are not willing to make cutbacks. Listen to your other financial backers. (It helps to think of ones parents in this way in order to minimize potential emotional blackmail and will remind all concerned whose wedding it is.) Agree upon and set the budget.

7. Now you should be in a position to draw up your wedding timetable – click on the following link for a timetable and checklist that you can personalize: wedding timetable.

Once you have completed the above you half way there to getting married! It is unfortunate that some of you will meet the “It’s our money, so you will do it our way or not at all” syndrome from your parents. Gently remind them that it is you who are getting married and not them. You may have to involve a neutral (older) friend who is willing to help referee. Setting clear agendas with resulting action plans should keep you focused.

If the bride is to be the wedding planner then, having resolved the finances, you can proceed. If not, the bride should regularly meet with her wedding planner, albeit her mother or a hired professional. If you are choosing the latter then click on the following link as it details a wedding planners job description: wedding planner

You will not be able to avoid further family meetings completely. As a minimum it will be necessary to agree upon:

- the composition of your bridal party
- the numbers and composition of guests to be invited
- the seating plans

This may be tricky if you are geographically widespread. However, getting married is also about the joining of two families, so you do need to make the effort. It is important that you set clear deadlines and send a reminder, a week prior, to the deadline date expiring. Where you are getting no joy and deadlines have expired then explain that you have had to finalize the details.

In order to keep everything in perspective arranging a wedding is similar to arranging a party. However, it is not just another party, it is the celebration of your marriage. In order that you do not have any future regrets this is why so much attention is paid to the detail.


Getting Married