Chinese Weddings

Chinese Weddings: the traditions that you choose to adopt for your modern day interfaith marriage will depend upon your heritage. Whereas there are common traits that I have covered here, China’s history is vast. For our purposes it starts 402 to 221 BC during the “Warring States” period. This is historically when Chinese weddings commenced. The word traditional is used in its widest possible sense as China, “Zhong Gho”, with its 23 provinces, including Tibet, Hong Kong and Macau, has over 150 different cultures and ethnic groups.

To complicate this further you have to bear in mind the different faiths that are really a mixture of philosophy and religion. An individual would not necessarily follow one faith, but draw from all the faiths according to his needs. For example:

- “Confucianism” for family and ethical concerns
- “Daoism” (or “Taoism”) for physical and psychological health concerns
- “Buddhism” for funeral procedures
- “local gods & spirits” for more mundane issues

Then you have to bear in mind that different religious sects are based upon particular “Sutra” (religious scriptures). Also two different languages are spoken Mandarin and Chinese. So, it is necessary for you to do your own research into your family heritage.

Traditional Chinese Weddings:

Whereas the wedding ceremony was extremely simple the wedding customs were extremely complex. Over decades they have been simplified, but still follow “The Three Letters & Six Etiquettes”. The chief objective was to join two families together and ensure succession with many descendents. The three letters were Betrothal, Gift, and Wedding Letters. The six etiquettes were Proposing, Birthday Matching, Presenting Betrothal Gifts, Presenting Wedding Gifts, Picking a Wedding Date, and Wedding Ceremony.

A Chinese wedding ceremony would comprise of two parts:

(i) the bride and groom being taken to the family alter to pay homage to Heaven & Earth, the family ancestors and the Kitchen God “Tsao-Chun”. A tea ceremony would follow. Tea would be offered to the groom’s parents, with a lotus seed and two red dates in, working down to the most junior of the family. The family in turn would give “lai see”, a lucky red envelope filled with money or jewels.
(ii) the bride and groom would bow to each other. In some traditions they would also drink wine from the same goblet.

How Does This Translate Into Modern Day Chinese Weddings?

- unlike Western culture the groom’s family organizes and pays for the wedding. Today this will be dependent upon respective finances and I am sure the bride will want to have her say!
- again unlike Western culture red (never white) is the colour to be worn and used
- the bride may wear a red dress “Cheongsam”, red shoes and veil fringed with gold
- the groom may wear a traditional Chinese jacket “Qi Pau” with a red sash, or a tunic “Da Gua” and silk red ball on his chest
- the material may be brocade silk with a dragon and phoenix motif on them
- encourage your guests to dress in their national costume
- engage a Feng Shui expert to select an auspicious wedding date. It is unlucky for you to refer to the Chinese Almanac to select your own.
- send your invitations out in red ink (but never on white paper), with Chinese or Mandarin text
- have a Chinese banquet (see below)
- use red decorations, e.g. red candles, red lanterns, red champagne flutes, red and gold linen, gold double happiness characters, “Shuang xi”, on a red background
- have red flowers (never white), e.g. roses, peonies, orchids, lotus and narcissus
- hire a troupe to dance the lion dance. Originally from the Guangdong Province the lion symbolizes joy and happiness.
- buy a traditionalsignature cloth, a Chinese guest book
- have the “zither” played at your wedding ceremony and/or during your wedding reception
- ask you guests not to throw rice, but firecrackers, to ward away any evil spirits
- lay new red linen sheets on your matrimonial bed

Having A Traditional Chinese Wedding Banquet:

As with many cultures, this is a very important part of the wedding customs. Guests should be seated at round tables. Eight dishes should be served (not including dessert). Some menu suggestions are:

- dragon shrimp: lobster, symbolic of the male
- phoenix feet: chicken feet, symbolic of the female
- shark fin soup: indicating wealth
- roast suckling pig: symbolic of virginity
- peaking duck: being red it’s symbolic of joy and happiness
- squab: pigeon, symbolic of peace
- sea cucumber: symbolic of selflessness
- fish: symbolic of abundance
- noodles: symbolic of longevity
- mochi: a sticky dumpling
- sweet soup: made from red beans, with lotus seeds & bak hop to ensure your marriage lasts a hundred years
- dragon & phoenix cakes: instead of a western wedding cake
- drinks: tea is a must, alcohol and sodas

A Chinese wedding banquet ends with the bridal receiving line, the bride and groom saying goodbye to their guests. Upon departure guests may be given “doggy bags” of food left over from the feast.

“Bai Nian Hao Ho” - may you live happily together for a 100 Years.




Chinese Weddings